Sweet Dreams

{an extra hour of sleep for dreaming tonight}

Memories

It’s funny how our minds recall memories.  I have been thinking a lot lately about Mexico.  Today I was craving udon noodles like the bowl that I had at Barushi in Fabrica La Aurora.  Then I remembered this song that I heard that same night.  A craving triggered a memory which brought back all sorts of emotions.  I realized six months later that the people of San Miguel are still in my heart.  If I close my eyes, I can almost feel the air on my face again.  I can almost feel the dust in my shoes and I can almost taste the food.  Some memories are best repressed, this is how we protect ourselves from pain.  But what happens if we accept everything as part of the journey and laugh in the face of the bad memories allowing them to make us stronger and return to a place we still love?

The View from Here

A friend of mine reminded me last night that you can take the girl out of Iowa but you can't take the Iowa out of the girl.  I guess I am a little bit country.  I like the view from my 'penthouse' apartment but I prefer to explore the city early in the morning when it's quiet.  You can still feel energy in the stillness, light in the darkness.  You can cup your hands and peek into store windows like a little kid.  You can be a little less inhibited and a little more curious, a little less country and a little more big city girl.

Acceptance

I laid in bed last night and thought about how I have come to accept that I will never have a flat tummy.  I will always have wobbly thighs and my skin is not flawless.  But that's ok.  I'm not the kind of girl who will have every hair in place.  I am the girl whos hair will be blowing about, probably sticking to my lip gloss, if I actually have on lip gloss.  But when I lay in bed at night, I can wrap my arms around myself and give myself a big hug.  I can feel the love of my family and friends, and God. 

Geek Chic

I am going through this geek chic phase right now. I woke up this morning (well I was awoken by Lola) and decided to take advantage of the early morning quiet by taking a walk with my camera.  I love to photograph graffiti, there is so much soul in this art form.  I joined the Facebook revolution today, along with millions of other people and my mom.  Next I may even get cable and internet hooked up in my apartment.  My neighborhood is kind of on the fringe, or ‘up and coming’ as some might say.  I say it is overpriced and poorly managed.  Anyway, I’ve been invited to a tree house blessing this afternoon so I’m pretty sure I have arrived in Colorado.

Home Sweet Home

I'm getting settled into my new place, just under 800 square feet and just over 800 miles away from home.  This is my home now.  Each day I celebrate small victories, like getting Lola to potty outside.  She is used to green grass but she will figure it out.  I changed up my blog a bit and some people have commented that they were sad to see the photos of Mexico were gone.  For me, it's about the words.  Just as I had to do before my move, I purged some things from my blog.  It's so liberating to let go of stuff.  I had so many miles to drive, roll down the windows and toss out all that was holding me back.  My yoga guru recently said we have to let go of assumed outcomes to become free.  How zen of her.

Not all who Wander are Lost

I have had some reservations about continuing with this blog, as evidenced by the lapse in posts.  It wasn't until I recently wrote a personal statement for consideration into the Aveda Institute that I realized how much I missed writing.  Here is an excerpt of that letter:

I am a Libra, so balance is very important to me. I was never too much into astrological signs until I made the decision to sell my home and a portion of my belongings, resign from my position with a major home mortgage company and buy a one way plane ticket to Mexico. My life somewhat resembles Eat Pray Love. For nearly five months, I spent my days learning to speak Spanish (really more Spanglish), wandering the cobblestone streets, interacting with the people both Mexican and expats, falling in and out of love, and most importantly searching the very depths of my soul.

For a long time I felt my life was out of balance. There had to be more. I had wanderlust. So I started on this journey. Even though I’m back in the States now, I feel like my journey continues. I have previously worked in retail, banking, real estate and mortgage. They were all good jobs but I wanted more. I began to seek out like minded people, get back into yoga and church and made a commitment to myself that I would change my life.

Change is difficult at any age, but as each year passes we become more resistant. As I kept in touch with family and friends during my time in Mexico, someone wrote me ‘not all who wander are lost’. I didn’t think a lot about it until I recently saw it again stamped into a piece of recycled jewelry.

I often seek solitude through yoga, church, or at my local Aveda salon and spa, Jiva. Many times, as I sink into the massage table, I find myself thinking ‘I should just work here’. To be able to be surrounded by relaxation all day, ahhh. And the Aveda philosophy aligns with my personal beliefs about giving back and sustainability.

Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. Teach a man to fish and he eats for a lifetime. My former boss Ivonne used to like to say this. I believe this to be true. I also believe a good eyebrow wax can change a person’s whole perspective.

Glitter in the Air

I'm not very good at saying goodbye. Packing my bags and leaving Mexico in the middle of the night was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. I've been back in the States for five days now. It feels surreal. I visited my favorite stores, spent an absurd amount of money at Sephora and climbed mountains so rich with quartz that they look like they have been sprinkled with glitter. I am a hopeless romantic. I know that there are better days to come and I am confident that I am on the verge of something great.

Change

San Miguel has forever changed me.  It's sort of like the elephant in the room, neither Alex or I want to talk about me leaving.  I guess it is kismet that we crossed paths in life.  I didn't expect to stay this long in Mexico.  I didn't expect a lot of things. When you pack your bags for a trip like this, you don't realize the other stuff that you carry with you also.  I'm talking about spirituality, love, memories, regrets, insecurities, hopes, fears and dreams.  If you let it happen, you will come home with so much more.  You will have a different attitude towards your spirituality, love, memories, regrets, insecurities, hopes, fears and dreams.

El Turista

How appropriate that the one and only movie I see after four months in Mexico is 'The Tourist'?  The film was cast with beautiful people and language.  And there was this song, this song that played during one scene, I just loved it and made it my mission to find it.  I finally found 'No Fear of Heights' by Katie Melua.  The lyrics are that of a love song, but remind me that we must love ourselves before we can love another.

I never walked near the edge
Used to fear falling
I never swam far from shore
Never tried the secret door

But when you give me love
When you give me love

I have no fear of heights,
No fear of the deep blue sea,
Although it could drown me,
I know it could drown me

I didn't wander in the woods
Used to fear the darkness
I didn't like getting deep
I was scared of what I couldn't keep

But when you give me love
When you give me love

I have no fear of heights,
No fear of the deep blue sea,
Although it could drown me,
I know it could drown me

No fear of the fall
No fear if it's with you that I fall
'cause nothing could break us,
No, nothing could break us, now

Katie Melua - No Fear Of Heights

Putting it all Together

I am winding down my time here in Mexico.  Much like the sentences that I am trying to form with my new language, I am trying to put together the nouns, verbs and adjectives of life to remember how I have spent my time here and how it has changed me.  Most importantly, how I will live going forward.  A Mexican manifesto of sorts.

My manifesto would read something like this...
I make this promise to myself and ask those around me to hold me accountable.  I will lead a simpler life free from over consumerism and over stimulation.  I will live within my means, buy second hand and take the handmade pledge.  For my body and mind, I will practice yoga and meditate.  For my soul, I will surround myself with positive people.  I will read more and write, write, write.  For sheer pleasure I will wear cowboy boots with a dress.  I will learn to speak Spanish and then French...I will travel to Europe and Costa Rica.  I will stay on the beach in a shack in Mexico.  I will devote myself to learning new things.  I will nurture my creativity.  I will ride my Vespa and feel the wind on my face without worrying about my hair...

Patina

I love the patina of Mexico.  The layers tell a story that has evolved over time.  Not only in the literal sense of buildings and doors, but it also extends to the people.  There is a depth in the faces of the elders.  Lines on the face of the rancher wearing his favorite broken in cowboy hat.  Signs of wear on the bag the older woman carries with her to the market, it has seen better days. 

People greet each other on the street.  They make the mark of the cross when they see their Lady of Guadalupe.  Nuns' habits float in the wind.  This is a spiritual place.  It has been a good place for me to evaluate what is important to me.  It is my hope that when I return to the States, I find a soft place to land.  I will be traveling again soon, but at this time I need to take this momentum that San Miguel has so graciously given me and to thine own self be true.

Pancakes

As I stood over the pan on the stove, waiting to flip my pancake, I realized that everyday in Mexico is a 'pancake day'.  Like starting your day with pancakes for breakfast, everything moves a little slower here.  It's amazing what happens to your soul when you take time to breathe.  Pour on lots of syrup and taste the sweetness of life.  Drink up the fresh squeezed orange juice and realize what purity is, without all the unnecessary stuff of life.  I often wonder if people are happy and what makes them happy.  I really have come to believe that most stuff is just stuff, food is meant to nourish us, not to entertain us and even when most of us think that we don't have enough, there is always someone who has less.  There is always a reason to sing in Mexico, and usually an occasion to drink tequila.  People don't stay in their houses, they leave their doors open and mingle on the street.  Children rarely fuss and parents rarely scold.  Food is about as fresh as you can possibly get it.  The waiters bring the check only after you ask for it, so as not to rush you.  Birds and fireworks wake you up, not alarm clocks.  Imagine a world where we lived to truly experience life...

Lavender & Wings

The last two things that I acquired before packing my bags and leaving the States for Mexico were a silver necklace with a small pair of wings and a bottle of lavender oil.  The necklace has become a constant reminder of my mom as my guardian angel, I never take it off.  The lavender oil, well it was to add to my bath water for relaxation.  Little did I know when I placed the necklace around my neck and the bottle of oil in my bag how much I never knew that I was always meant to be here in San Miguel...

The message on my necklace's card read this: 'Make a wish and put on your necklace. You are never alone! Your guardian angel is always with you. Think of them as your own personal celestial bodyguard. Wear your necklace as a reminder to believe in angels!' 

For intimately personal reasons, I do believe in guardian angels and I believe they are closely watching over me.  Even when I'm afraid and I don't understand why I am where I am, doing what I am doing, or why I am the way that I am, it is a great comfort to remember these guardian angels.

It is common here to see corazones (hearts) with wings.  They are made of wood and tin and sometimes appear as a logo for San Miguel.  This art and these images serve as a constant reminder for me that I am spreading my wings and taking flight...

Lavender is part of the mint family, a group of soothing herbs.  In various courtyards, shops and in the Jardin, there are lavender plants.  Laundromats much like the one where I did a recent photo shoot with Rachel are called lavanderias.  In Spanish, to wash is lavar.  In a way, I came here to wash and soothe my soul.

There are fields of lavender that are helping to give rural women hope.  The fields, known as the Lavender Project, are not in bloom right now.  It took a while driving down dusty dirt roads to find the lavender hidden amongst the rows and rows of cacti.  Even without the presence of flowers, the fragrance immediately struck me as I got out of the truck.  Suddenly there was silence and only the sweet smell of inspiration.  I have mentioned this feeling before here in my blog, the feeling of God's omnipresence.

From the Album "God's Project"

Feeling uninspired tonight so I thought I would share this song with you.  I fell in love with this song the first time Alex put his iPod next to my ear and told me to listen to it...

(click here for translation)



Alex Loves to Look at Himself in the Mirror



Aventura - Un Beso

Count Your Blessings

Just outside of the quaint cobblestone streets of San Miguel, there are dusty roads that lead to villages in various stages of disarray.  There are people walking to and from, mothers pushing their children in wheelbarrows, rubbish strewn here and there, malnourished and seemingly wild dogs and there is inevitably a tienda advertising Corona and Coke...Next month I will be leaving Mexico and returning to the States.  I will choose to keep these images in my mind so that everyday I can count my blessings.  I wonder, how does this happen?  There is no welfare in this country aside from begging on the street.  The stratification of social classes is clear.  The middle and upper classes strive for more, while the poor merely survive...

Juxtaposition

In a word, this is how I would describe Mexico.  The random juxtaposition of the architecture, the people, the food, the cars...everything.  Yesterday I traveled by bus to a neighboring city.  On the way home, staring out the window, I saw haciendas surrounded by virtual shacks, clothes hanging on the lines to dry, graffiti, street dogs, taco stands next to upscale restaurants and old VW beetle bugs driving alongside of BMWs.  The colors of Mexico are amazing.  I see a faded terracotta building, then a bright pink casita with turquoise trim, white horses against green cacti fading into dark mountains.  My pale white skin next to Alex's brown skin as we hold hands on the ride home.  My hazel green eyes in a sea of deep brown eyes...

This I Know for Sure...

There are certain constants in life.  A new year will come, the sun will set, there will be wine, flowers will wilt and I am not photogenic...Mama came to San Miguel and there was shopping, there were desserts, and there was Mr. Mexico. 

I have been here for almost three months now.  I hope that in the next month I will be visiting sunny beaches so that I don't look quite so pasty white.  My plans are unclear.  Possibly more time here in San Miguel.  I am taking baby steps to launch my own business...it will be called Pink Antler, a homage to all things girly and my Midwest roots.