Music, Lyrics & Sarcasm

I have been spending a lot of time the past couple of days reflecting on my life, where it is today and how I've come to arrive here.  This morning I started listening to some of my favorite chick songs.  Music that for some unknown reason I like to call 'lesbian love songs'.  Not really sure why...it's just a genre of music by strong women over time.  Perhaps jaded women.  Songs by Sheryl Crow, Nelly Furtado, Mary J Blige, Alicia Keys, Macy Gray, Fergie & Regina Spektor...

Lyrics from Nelly Furtado's 'I'm Like a Bird' were especially poignant to me today. 

You're beautiful, that's for sure
You'll never ever fade
You're lovely but it's not for sure
That I won't ever change
And though my love is rare
Though my love is true

I'm like a bird, I'll only fly away
I don't know where my soul is, I don't know where my home is
(and baby all I need for you to know is)
I'm like a bird, I'll only fly away
I don't know where my soul is , I don't know where my home is
All I need for you to know is

Your faith in me brings me to tears
Even after all these years
And it pains me so much to tell
That you don't know me that well
And though my love is rare
Though my love is true

It's not that I wanna say goodbye
It's just that every time you try to tell me that you love me
Each and every single day I know
I'm going to have to eventually give you away
And though my love is rare
And though my love is true
Hey I'm just scared
That we may fall through

I guess I'm all sappy because I like a boy.  Can't wait to see my mama tomorrow and give her a big hug.  Missing my puppy and my girlfriends...loving Mexico

Photo by Rachael Robinett Photography

Tinsel and Tequila

My life is getting a little messy with Mr. Mexico and all.  I guess getting messy and putting ourselves out there to risk our hearts being broken is what life is all about.  I better put on my big girl panties and see where the ride ends...

I continue to meet the most fantastic people here in San Miguel.  Today I met a British woman (I love a good British accent) who designs and creates all things leather (I also love the smell of leather).  Last weekend I did a collage art workshop with a wonderfully eccentric gay man and his partner (also love a good gay couple).  Art is like love, it can be messy and we may get rejected...but if the painting doesn't turn out the way we had hoped, we can always paint over the canvas again.  Layers are a beautiful thing.

I am so excited that my beautiful mama is coming to visit me.  I can't wait to share San Miguel with her.

I Still Believe in Santa Claus

It's true.  I still believe in Santa Claus.  My favorite holiday movie is 'Love Actually' and I still get a Christmas stocking...It feels surreal to be in Mexico and not in the cold and snowy midwest.  The only constant in life it seems is wine.  Absent from most of the hype of the commercial holiday, I find myself remembering Christmases past.  My granny Ruth's silver tree and Brach's gloria mix hard candy.  My granny Edi wrapped our gifts in the newspaper comic pages and pushed divinity candy like crack.  My dear mama always makes the season special.  These women have greatly influenced who I am today.

I am looking forward to the new year.  It is my Christmas wish that 2011 brings me even more clarity, more travels, more creativity and more new friends...I want to live a simpler life, find a way to make a living doing what I love and create without inhibitions.  I want to discover my next home and maybe even get Lola the pug a sister puppy.

Well, it's about time to put out the milk and cookies.  Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.

Goodbye My Darling Kasia

It is with a heavy heart and tears streaming down my face that I say goodbye to Kasia.  Although she wishes to return to San Miguel soon, Kasia is flying home tomorrow.  Tonight we went to the same restaurant where we had our 'first date', Kasia said it was a perfect way to bookend the time we've had together.

We laughed about the first time we went horseback riding.  Lesson learned...don't assume the taxi driver knows where you want to go.  I think that anyone who saw us laughing hysterically and walking along that Mexican road must have thought we had lost our minds...

Other random bits of Kasia wisdom...
Be present in every moment.  Listen to the hints that life gives you as they are very important.  Be honest with yourself.  Take responsibility for your actions but don't take blame for others.  Everything happens for a reason.  Energy can shift.  Drink more water.  We are all feeling our way though life.  Send some love and then let go (I think she stole this one from Eat Pray Love).  Sleep well and peacefully knowing that you are perfectly whole.

Goodnight Kasia and safe travels, until we meet again...

Mi Vida

(My Life)
My spiritual and truth seeking journey has come to a crossroads of sorts.  As I sit here and type, I am listening to the sounds of Mexico.  Today was Guadalupe Day and the fireworks have been going off since about 5:30 this morning.  As I listen to the crackle of bottle rockets, barking dogs, passing cars, church bells and the sound of my keystrokes I ponder a question.  Is this person that I met a part of my journey or merely a distraction from the truth?

A few hours ago I remembered a cliche that goes something like this...In order to love someone else you must first love yourself.  I thought that I had learned to love myself.  Now I am starting to wonder.  Am I too independent?  Am I fatally flawed?  Is this just a fling?  Can I wear pink tights with a yellow sweater?  Am I really a Bohemian Princess?

When Mr. Mexico left my place this afternoon, after spending several hours together on a lazy Sunday, he commented that I seemed like I had had too much of his company.  My response?  I had not had too much of him, but not enough of me.  Somewhere along the way I have become afraid of loosing myself.  Seems like I have spent so long trying to find myself...

Wandering

I can't believe that I have been in San Miguel for nearly two months.  What previously felt surreal now feels normal.  People ask me what I have been doing to occupy my time...it's difficult to explain a very personal and spiritual journey to most people, so it's easier to just tell them I've been wandering. 

The food and the art here are amazing and the language is beautiful.  There is just something about going for a walk with no particular destination in mind.  Every street, whether bougie or ghetto, has something that will strike you.  Something that makes you smile, something that makes you want to take a photo, or something you want to remember for whatever reason...

I am very cozy in my new place.  For anyone who knows me well, I have sought out every thrift store, market and garage sale for things to keep me warm and to keep my hands, head and heart busy.  I am homesick only for my mama, my puppy, and my church.  Well...maybe the Aveda spa too.  Two months on cobblestone streets and I need a pedicure for sure.